Lullaby a la Lauren

To say that this child doesn't like to go to sleep is an understatement. As Norm constantly says to me with an amazed expression, "She fights it so hard." I read about other kids her age and younger asking if they can go to bed or better yet, putting themselves to bed, and I'm incredulous.

No matter how much activity she's had in a day (Disneyland included!) or how exhausted she rightfully should be, Lauren pulls out a reserve of energy from deep within and bounces off the walls for the 30 minutes before lights out, almost as if to say, "See guys, you just think I should be getting at least 11 hours of sleep every night. Can't you see I really have an old soul and I'll be recharged and raring to go in the morning if you'd only let me stay up until at least 10 p.m.?"

We have figured out a system for bedtime, the hubby and I, that more or less works (at least 80% of the time, which is good enough for us right now). Mostly it involves leaving her bedroom door wide open with the hall light on and telling her we'll come back in to check on her in a few minutes (a variety of reasons are given for our "temporary" absence, including needing to wash up, eat dinner, make a phone call, etc). And you know what? We're lying through our teeth. Oh yes, I said it. And am most assuredly not apologizing for it. Sure, we go back in to check on her a few times before we head to bed, but more often than not, she falls asleep before we ever go back in, which is exactly how we want it.

[Lauren, my love, when you read this years from now, I hope you understand. We're teaching you to tell the truth at all times. There will be a small caveat to that principle, however, when you have children. Clarification - when you have children who will not go to sleep as payback to you. Then, it's ok to tell a few little white lies to them, all in the name of preserving your sanity. Lately you've been pushing Mama's buttons at times to the point that a warning has been issued that you will see fire shoot out of the top of my head if you don't stop (for the uninformed, it's a reference to a skit from the Bill Cosby Himself album, a must listen for all parents). "For real?", you keep asking, and from the curious inflection in your voice and slight raising of your eyebrow as you finish the question, I can see the cogs of the wheels in your little brain debating whether you should continue to push those buttons just so you can test the fire theory (luckily, thus far, you've backed down and not attempted it)].

Well, tonight at bedtime, Lauren was, as usual, jumping in her bed and saying, "But I'm not tired!" for the 34th time, when I asked if she'd like me to sing a song to help her relax and get to sleep. As a baby, many hours were spent in her rocking chair while we sang "Twinkle Twinkle" or other classic lullabies. "I've got one!", she said a little too enthusiastically. "What is it?" I softly asked, ready to be transported back to her younger days.

Ahem. Her lullaby of choice wasn't exactly what I expected. Not even close.

Here's what she belted out:

"Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba, I wanna be sedated.
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba, I wanna be sedated."

I wish I were kidding. She sang it with a snarl in her lip and the exact right attitude to boot. You can bet that Norm, who will be learning about this story for the first time when he reads this, will be unbelievably proud that his daughter rocked a Ramones song. Surely this more than makes up for all of the Neil Diamond songs I taught her when she was just a babe, right, dear?

So, after complaining that she couldn't get that song out of her head and assured by me that I would come back in a few minutes after I washed my face (not), she finally settled down and drifted off to sleep.



Oh, how we love you, our sweet little button-pushing, non-sleeping rocker child.