She is in class 1A (there are 3 first grade classes). Each class has 16 or 17 students.
Her lead homeroom teacher, Mrs. Lazerson:
Assistant teacher Ms. Lawson:
Science teacher, Mrs. Applegate (aka Morah Sue, one of Lauren's kindergarten teachers from last year):
Hebrew/Jewish Studies teacher Morah Ifat:
Missing is her math teacher, Dr. Jean Oleson. Dr. Oleson is a math specialist new to the school this year and seems fabulous. As opposed to other first grade subjects, for math the kids are grouped by ability. Proud to say that Lauren is in the highest level (she's always loved math). The first two weeks of the year she was in a different math class and kept saying she was bored. So I took it upon myself to talk to her homeroom teacher and found out that Lauren had tested into the higher level math class, but because she seemed anxious in class (more on that later), they kept her at the lower level to ease her stress. Big Mistake. I immediately had them move her to the higher level class and surprise, surprise, she now says she loves it. As my mom always says, you've got to be proactive when it comes to your kids' education. Yes, Mom, I'm listening.
I'm not gonna lie, the first couple of weeks were tough for our girl. You see, she was split up from her bff at school, Cadence, and they are no longer in the same class.
Here they are before the bell rang on the first day (Lauren's wearing a dress Cadence brought her back from her summer in NYC - she has a matching one).
Lauren thought she would be able to sit with Cadence at lunch every day, but the school has a rule that until 4th grade, each homeroom has to sit together for lunch and only after they are done eating, can they go play with others. Mama no likey that rule. I think it's BS, actually. She also only had 1 friend from last year in her new class, who announced to her at the start of week 2 that she had made a new best friend. Couple that with a boy in her class sitting across from Lauren who has some type of learning disability that requires him to have his own assistant (called a "shadow") and another girl in her class who Lauren (and all the other kids) characterize as "mean" and "rude", and our shy, sensitive soul cried to me every night for almost 2 weeks about how she didn't want to go and wanted to switch classes to be with Cadence and her other friends.
Broke. my. heart. Of all times when I prayed for her to have an easy transition, this was the year. With so many recent changes in her life, I wished for consistency at school. Yes, it took her a while to adjust last year also, but this year it seemed to hurt that much more (although in retrospect, it's likely due to my sensitivity concerning current circumstances).
So after agonizing for almost 2 weeks, I went to speak with her lead teacher and express my concern. She admitted that Lauren seemed nervous and anxious in class, but that her file from last year reflected that's how she was at times, so she wanted to give her some additional time to adjust. She acknowledged the issues with the girl who was acting out and that they were working on it. She also said the boy was actually fine and not disruptive, so much so that his shadow was actually spending most of her time assisting other kids in the class. That's when I found out about the math class situation, and immediately rectified that. The next day I went back in and she said she had watched Lauren closely the day prior, and she seemed happy all day long.
I spoke with Lauren that night, and she told me she was only pretending to be happy at school because she didn't want to hurt her teachers' feelings and let them know she didn't want to be in their class. We discussed at length how it is ok to express her feelings to her teachers, that if they don't know how she feels, they can't help to find a solution. I promised they wouldn't be hurt if she told them she felt sad and that maybe, just maybe, they could work with her to find something to help her feel better in her class without having to switch. I told her how many times I felt scared and nervous at work before giving big presentations, but talking to others around me and just getting up there and starting to speak often gave me confidence and helped me to gain strength and feel better. I could tell how intently she was listening to me and couldn't believe that her mama felt scared too at times.
Over the course of the next few days, we spoke each night at bedtime about her day, about what was difficult and what was easy. She still cried a little about not liking her class and being scared of the little mean girl. It was then that I told her we can do hard things. That she didn't have to do hard things by herself, that we could and would do them together, and she should never forget that. That she has so many people who love her, and we are all committed to her.
One of the things I did was read to her a letter from one of my favorite blogs, Momastery.com, that the author wrote for her son on his first day of third grade. She gave permission to her readers to modify it for our kids as needed and share. She repeats it to her kids every year. So that's what I did. And here is what I read to her:
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Dear Lauren Jade,
Hey, baby.
Tomorrow is a big day. First Grade – wow.
Lauren – When I was in first grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.
Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.
And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.
I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me.
I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.
So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.
Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a part of your heart will hurt a little. I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, I want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Lauren! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.
Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.
Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.
Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’s team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.
When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.
Lauren – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the boys think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.
We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.
We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.
Kind people are brave people. Brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.
Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.
Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.
Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.
Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teachers, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky girl . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.
I love you so much that my heart might explode.
Enjoy and cherish your gifts.
And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.
Love,
Mama
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She actually had tears in her eyes after I finished (as did I). We spoke about the special needs boy and the girl who was acting out and how they needed kindness and love just like everybody else. Even at age 6, I swear she got it.
The next day, she was moved into her new math class. That night, I eagerly asked how the new class was. "Great!", she said. Yes, it was more challenging, but that's exactly what she needed. And the cake topper? Cadence is also in the class. So now they get to be together for an hour every day. Kismet, I tell you.
The day after that, when I asked about her day, she proudly announced to me, "I made friends with Lili today!" Lili is a girl in her new class. Lauren excitedly told me how Lili hugged her all throughout recess and they played together. I squealed, I was so happy, and Lauren leapt into my arms. As much as my heart had been breaking a week earlier, now it was equally melting. I immediately jumped on the computer to email Lili's mom to arrange a play date. It's not happening until Wednesday, October 3rd due to their crazy schedule, but it's happening, people. I will move heaven and earth to help see this child happy.
So after 3 weeks, it would appear she is adjusting and everything's gonna be just fine. I attended back to school night this past Thursday. Her lead teacher says Lauren announced to her the prior day that she would like to stay in room 1A, after all. She loves her new math class, plus she is reading at almost a 3rd grade level. Our girl is not only smart, but more importantly, she is kind, loving, generous, brave, and compassionate.
During the evening, the school principal showed all parents the following video, which she said is reflective of the school's philosophy. Watch it. It's powerful, moving, stuff.
Yes, we can do hard things. Together.
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